Saturday, August 12, 2006

My new Gig!



Gosh it is has been awhile since I posted. I wish I could blame it on being busy but instead I must confess that it is due to laziness and avoidance. I haven't been feeling all that great lately. Physically or emotionally. A bit more than just blue. I have a new wonderful opportunity and that is that I am working as the activity director at my apartment complex. I like to pretend that I am the cruise director and that I am getting my cabin free. Well, I do get my apartment free, I have to put in 40 hours of work a month as a result. That 40 hours can include lots of things and almost anything. I love this because I am getting to do mission work here. Coming home from Nigeria I was pretty sad that my "missions" work was over but now I am able to fill that call right here.

Nothing is really going on now with me and I think that doesn't help the depression. I plan to sub this next year and help out my friend who is a principal. I hope to be able to go by at least once a week to help out in the office or read with students or something. This apartment thing is helping me be able to take it kinda easy this year.

I am going to go now and just take it easy for the rest of the day and that is because I need to get somethings done hehehehe........

The picture is of my apartment......... I love my new apartment.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I thought this picture was funny and I needed a laugh.

I thought this picture was funny and I needed a laugh so I thought I would share it with you. Yes that is me playing dress up.
Wow a whole week and some days since I journaled an entry. I haven't been busy so I don't know what is up with that. I think it maybe the lack of things to do so therefore, nothing gets done. I am thankful that I don't have much to do these days but that time is ending very soon. I start the "Job" on July 5th. I am nervous but ready.
I went to the doctor to tell me if I have Lupus and he said that I don't but that I have Firbomyalgia. This of course is no great news to me and it does answer some of the same questions that the Lupus answered... but non-the-less I still have a few more test results to get in before we know what the whole picture is.
I am just gonna hang out and relax for the next few days and then I will spend the 4th with some friends and then I will be like the rest of the working world, stuck in a rut and never seeing the end.... I hope it really doesn't seem that way. As a matter of fact I am trying to look at all the positive things about having this new job and of course the most fun of all of them is a paycheck. Wow.... money that I worked to earn.....haven't know that feeling in a very long time so I look forward to getting used to it.
Stay tuned for more infor on how the health and new job are going.... hopefully I will have some great thought or quote to write next time you come by.

Sunday, June 18, 2006


Hard as steel is my heart
Always breaking me apart
Never letting the truth be known
Fragile, by the wind I'm blown
Seeking, searching, for help I'm crying
Until I'm dead I will not stop trying
To find the solution to soften my heart
And put back the pieces that have fallen apart.
Amy Hosp

This is how I am feeling today. A bit hard in the heart, not so much hard hearted, or at least not toward anyone but me. I do feel very fragile and tossed around by the wind. Originally I wrote this poem when I wanted to die, I don't so much want to die now, rather I feel a determination to keep going and find out what it is, that solution to soften my heart toward me before I die. I feel the ever increasing need to do this so that when I do die I will be able to look Jesus' in the eyes and say that I did the best with me that I could have. Ironic part of all of this is that to do that means that I have to completely get outside of my own mind and get into my spirit a place that doesn't always feel that safe. My favorite quote.... that I am not sure I will ever achieve.... is from Dr. John Piper. "God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfiedied in Him" In order to do this I must grow beyond my own selfish deep, darkness and stupid silliness so that I can be satisfied in God.... that means that I can worship Him with me out of the way.
Well, just some thoughts from the randomness of me.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Old Journal Entry

The refelction on my job making decisions reminded me of a journal entry that I had written sometime ago. Just thought it would be thought provking for you as well.........
Somewhere in my heart is floating around the real reasons why I trusted God in the first place, but yet elsewhere in my head is floating the reasons that I keep trusting Him, and as far as my eyes can tell, the floating is some what storm tossed and battered a bit by the wind. A fog is setting in and through the fog I hear the call of the great fog horn that would direct my path but yet the thickness of the coming fog makes it hard to tell which direction to turn. I turn to the left and I think that I hear it, the sound of sense and awareness, but then my flesh rises up in the way of the sound-waves and my hearing is majorly impaired. It isn't as much of a spiritual problem caused by this impairment as much as it is becoming a mental/emotional problem brought on by this sudden coverage of fog. Oh to know the direction once again and to have a clear view of the horizon.
Think back to the last time you were in a place with fog heavy enough to silence the world around you. Are you there, can you see where you are going, and are you just as amazed as I am that everything looks and even feels different? It is the same way with snow except that where I live there is never really enough snow to alter the eyes view. With fog, there is a sense of aloneness and a lost-ness that quickly comes. Like a scene from a movie where two lovers are lost in the darkness trying to find each other in the grayness of the fog, so is my heart and my mind trying to reconnect with the one purpose and goal of pleasing my God in the buffeting of my body. There are deep rooted places, like a ridge that you have approached and found yourself on the edge of only after a small glimpse of the landscape is seen through the shimmering breaks in the fog. The ridge is there and there is no way across and the fog is even thicker down below, so much so that you can't see the bottom, and your only choice is to sit and wait. Wait for the fog to lift of for the courage to arrive somewhere within you to just go for it and make it across the ridge. Once across you know that the ridge will forever be behind you, but it is that newness of the job of exploration of decision, not even the crossing, but just the deciding to do it, that can paralyze you. At first it may seem that it is the fog that is stopping you, but at a greater look it turns out to be the ridge and what is inside the crevices that keeps you frozen in one spot. Due to the fog you can never be sure what may jump out and get you, or just where you will land. The only movement is that which you already know to do, so you repeat it and repeat it and repeat no matter the possible detriment to yourself, but what else is there to do?

God's Fortune Cookie message to me

I want to tell you my story of the events surrounding my new job. Yes, that is right I have a new job. The job will not start until July 5th and honestly I don’t really want this job but having money will be great so I will take it. The reason I don’t want the job is because I will be stuck in a cubicle with no windows and no people doing the same thing over and over each day. That is just so not my personality but I figure that if I can sweat in Africa without air conditioning and power, running water, no food and no water to drink, then I can handle sitting in an air conditioned building in America and get paid for doing it.
Well, I want to share the story of the events of getting the job because it reminds me that God knows us so well and takes the time to speak to us according to our personalities. If you don’t know me then you may not understand why this is so funny but those of you who do know me will understand the humor of this.
Last week I posted a resume with Monster.com. I got a reply from a company that I did not apply with but I thought, “I need a job, I should call them.” So I did. This is the very first place that I called other than temp agencies who lie about what they want and what type of jobs they have…. But that is ok…. I forgive them and I am trying to give them Grace. So, once I called this job they asked me to come in and take a typing test and a ten key test. No problem… I type fast so I thought this is no big deal. I went in and took the tests and I did fine with the typing test but the ten key was a bit slow. I have a laptop and haven’t used a ten key pad in about 5 years so I went slow to have better accuracy but evidently slow is not so good. After taking the test the lady interviewing me told me that she wanted some other people in the company to talk with me so that I could get the whole interview process done at one time. Great… I was not prepared for this but things went really well and once I told them that I had been in Africa all other things about me disappeared and that is all they wanted to talk to me about…. Well, they did ask a few questions about why I would want this job …. Blah blah blah…… I honestly didn’t want the job because by that time I had walked through the area where I would be sitting and it felt somewhat like a death trap but all the same I kept thinking that getting paid money would be a good thing so I decided that I would do what it would take to get the job. At the end of the interview, I knew they were going to offer me the job so I took a deep breath and I went home.

The next day the call came. Now by this time I had been praying that if this was the job I was supposed to have then God would have them say YESSSSSS or NOOOOO flat out.. no more, no less. Here is the conversation of the phone call, “Amy, we want to offer you the job” (Amy’s thoughts… oh crap) “Ok, that is great!” (not smiling) “But Amy, your ten key is about 10 key strokes less then what we need so can you come back in and test and then we will see what happens?” (Amy’s thoughts… now God this is not yes or no, that is a more then??????) “Ok, I will come back next week, I haven’t used ten key in a long time but I will practice and come back”
So, over the weekend I practiced for about 10 minutes and then decided that I can do the test, I knew I could do what they needed so I put the whole job thing out of my head and enjoyed the day. Sunday I expressed my worry to my pastor about how I don’t know if I should take this job or not because it will take me out of full time ministry but having money to be in full time ministry is good and since I have none I should take the job but I am concerned about my level of depression and blah, blah, blah….. so he prayed that I would know for sure.
Ok, now I am ready to make my decision and either call and tell them no thank you or go and take the test and tell them yes……… I was so ready for this, I completely avoided it all day on Monday…. But on Tuesday morning I decided to call and ask what the hours I would be working would be because I knew I wanted to work certain hours….. and of course the hours don’t fit in that frame… I would love to be off work by 4 or 4:30 as I have over the past ten years…… well the lady who had interviewed me last week asked me when I was going to come back in and take the ten key test. I sighed a great sigh and said, how about today? She told me 2:30 would be great. As the day drug on I was fighting with myself to call and tell her forget it or to just go and take the test……
My thoughts were that if I take the test and it is not fast enough then it is my skill that caused me not to get the job and it was not because I said no. I am having trouble turning down a good paying job even if it will make me unhappy… I just don’t feel that it is responsible to turn down a job. Anyway, I had already decided that I was going to not eat for the day for several reasons but I once I decided that I would go and take the test, because the temp job I was told was so close and I drove to find it the night before wasn’t so close or not even close at all, and the other job (the one I really really want) was not where they told me it was either and they will not interview until after the 22nd of June and I had been out in 100 degree Texas trying to get other jobs… I decided that I should eat something so that when I take the ten key test I would be able to concentrate and do my very best. Yes, that is how my mind runs all the time….
I thought… I have almost one hour, I should go somewhere close to the office. I found a Chinese food place and went in. After my meal I opened my fortune cookie. Now, I want to remind you that this job is processing medical claims. I read the message in my cookie and I am not kidding, it said, “You will make a name for yourself in the field of medicine.” Of all the fortune cookie messages in the world that I could have gotten I had to get this one…… I told God right away that I didn’t think that was very funny. I don’t put any stock in messages from fortune cookies but why couldn’t I have gotten the message that said “You will meet and marry your very rich husband today so that you don’t have to take this job”. Maybe I should have played the lotto numbers on the back of the message????
I went and took the test and they offered me the job and I said yes and then I cried for the rest of the day. By the way, my pastor’s pray was answered and I knew for sure that I didn’t want the job! But I am taking it anyway until something else comes along or I just don’t like it enough and I tell them no thank you.
I don’t know what will happen with the job and I am reminding myself that I cried when I got the last job I had because I didn’t want it either for other reasons but that was the job that put me with a wonderful boss who gave me the courage to follow the call of God in my life and sent me to Africa.
So, I guess my fortune cookies message for you is to seek out how God is speaking to you at times when you think you can’t really hear Him because He will speak to you in that special way that He created you to hear Him.

Follow up: I took the job, and I started on a Tuesday??? The next day I injured my back, I don't remember how I did that but I had a left over injury from Nigeria which made the new injury much worse than it would have been. By Thursday of my first week of work I couldn't walk without crutches, and by Friday I had to leave the job because I was in so much pain that I couldn't sit up straight for the training. Now, I have to say that I believe that the pain in my back was a result of not following what God wanted for me, not that I believe that God gives up pain, but I do think He allowed me to hurt my back.... I was very clear that I didn't want the job and my pastor's pray was answered but I ignored it and took the job anyway... lesson learned: Pay more attention to what the pastor says......

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Today is Sunday



Today is Sunday! I went to brunch with a friend today, a birthday thing we have done for the past several years, and then I went to buy a cable for my tv. I was on the side of town where my church is so I thought that I should stop by. It was 11:34 already but I decided that I would go. My church has lots of grace on people so I know this would be no different for me. The message was really good..... or at least the part of the message that I heard. My pastor was preaching about "shame off you" I love that. It is a good reminder of how Jesus sees us and how we should see ourselves.
Today is Sunday and today I see myself as ok. I am tired, just part of the Lupus stuff, if that is even what is really going on.... more test to come and doctor's to see.......but I have been thinking about how nice it is to rest on Sunday.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Almost Unpacked!




Wow..... I am almost done, I am almost completely unpacked. This is the apartment building that I moved into two weeks and one day ago. I think this may be a record for me. By the end of the day tomorrow I will have everything in it's home and all things hung on the wall and all extra things thrown out. I hate throwing things out because it feels like part of me is going away forever but at the same time I love it. If I can find a place, that is a new home with someone else, for the things I'm throwing out I do but otherwise I have learned that getting rid off, trimming down, just throwing out can be so freeing. Before I went to Nigeria I did a lot of that but since I have been home I have had the desire to do more and more of that. I don't know if it is because I am wanting to travel and be ready to go whenever God says go, or if it is that I have realized that I don't know half of what I have. There is some guilt associated with having so much stuff after being in a place where so many have so little. I suppose that I should just call myself blessed and go on with life.
I do love my new apartment and I will post some pictures as soon as everything is perfect.... Can't do it before because I want everyone to think I always keep my house in perfect condition. Hey, we can all dream can't we?

Saturday, June 03, 2006

ME IN YOU


ME IN YOU

I trusted You with all my heart,
I gave You everything I had,
I believed everything You told me,
I laid my life in Your hands.

I walked with You every day,
I drank Your cup of security,
I ran with the confidence of Your Word,
I rested in Your hands.

I surrendered every part of my being,
I let go of all my fears,
I totally ignored all of my own wants and ways,
I entered into Your Holiness.

I took my eyes off You for one brief moment,
I walked into false submission,
I took back everything that I gave to You,
I fell from Your arms all by myself.

I wondered alone for years,
I looked for You in so many places,
I created my own false security,
I relied on my own knowledge.

I looked up one day,
I saw You waiting there,
I ran back to the place right where I left You,
I found myself in You!


Amy Hosp

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

M.A.P.M Missionary Awareness Program Ministries



M. A. P. MINISTRIES

Mission Awareness Program!
Reaching Missionaries in Their Needs!
M.A.P Ministry Beliefs and Goals:

I believe that there is no greater call then that of being a missionary. Being a missionary does not always mean leaving your home and family and friends or even your country, but more times then not it does require just that.
Too many times we forget that the missionary is a real person just like you and me. For some reason we only focus on their work on the mission field and we don’t think of their everyday lives. Can you image being thousands of miles away from anyone and anything that is familiar to you and then you also have the sole responsibility of leading people to Christ. In order to fulfill the call of a missionary more times then not you must give up everything that you have except just a few personal belongings to go to a far away land where you will begin your new life. God most certainly provides for those He has called to do His work, but that doesn’t mean that the life of a missionary is going to be easy. When a missionary goes to another country, they are only aloud to take so many things with them, depending of course on their destination, and as soon as their supplies like toothpaste or shampoo or even favorite snack foods run out, they may not be able to get those same things again, some times for years at a time. Yes, most of them will be able to buy the items they need for everyday life, but sometimes it is just nice and a comfort when you are so far away from home to be able to have the things that you had at home.
I truly believe that one of the most important ways that we can minister to our missionaries is to help them be comfortable in their new surroundings. There are so many things that our missionaries need besides just personal items, and tools for their mission field, they also need to know that we at home are praying for them. Instead of waiting until they are home on furlough or for a visit, we need to let them feel us reaching out to them on a regular basis.
We often forget that a missionary family with children has everyday things to attend to like going to the dentist, or making sure the kids get their homework done. In other words, missionary families live life everyday just as we do, but the difference is, they do not always have the some advantages that we have here in the States.
My goal is to help your church understand the life of a missionary and what it takes to fulfill that call. I want to be able to share with others what God has shown to me through the many missionary families I have known and my own missionary experience. We can help the missionary fulfill their call by helping them stay encouraged and giving them just a small part of home away from home.
I believe that raising money for missions is very important, but I want to show God’s people another way they can minister to the missionary out in their field. I hope that you will allow God to continue His work in this area by teaching the people of your church about missions and that great call.

God Bless You,
Amy Hosp

Sunday, May 28, 2006

UNITY for Jesus













This is a ministry that was born in Nigeria one day after praying about what I could do to help bring the people of Nigeria into the glory of the Kindgom of God.
My prayer is that you too will see the vision and help us begin to change the world.

UNITY: United National Intercessory Time of Yeilding
Eph 4:1-3, 11-16; Col 2:6-3:17 (Scriptures listed at bottom of page)

2 Ch 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Vision Statement:
To unite the body of Christ together by breaking through denominational barriers to strengthen and build up communities by training local pastors so that all can walk in faith, love and peace together as according to I Cor. 1:9-10 that there may be perfect unity in mind and thought for the purpose of accomplishing the works of the Kingdom of God in our generation.

Mission Statement:
Uniting the body of Christ through prayer and discipleship to know the joy of salvation to be able to infiltrate the nations with the truth of God calling down mercy and divine favor on this generation to bring forth the Glory of the Kingdom of God to all tongues and tribes.

If you want to know more or are interested in being involved please e-mail UNITY at www.ymadeehosp@sbcglobal.net

Saturday, May 27, 2006

A Lesson From the Mission Field

I want to share with you a good lesson that I learned from my time in Nigeria.
While I am home I will be speaking and singing in churches to share about my mission experience and a new vision that I have for Nigeria so please continue to pray for me. I have started a ministry called UNITY (United National Intercessory Time of Yielding). UNITY will be equipping church leaders to start discipleship training and community wide intercessory pray services to bring unity among the believers in Nigeria. So many people in Nigeria have been saved through big conferences over the past 10 years but discipleship is almost unheard of there. The believers in Nigeria don’t understand that they can have a personal relationship with Jesus. They believe that they must attend church so that the pastor can pray for them. They don’t understand that there is more to the Christian life then going to church to get prayed for. UNITY hopes to enable believers to understand what it means to be a Christian and how to start a relationship with Christ. We also hope to teach the communities how to see past their denominational differences to move as believers in Christ as one body in order to bring the changes to that nation that are so badly needed in government. (Eph. 4:2-3,11-16; Col. 2:6-3:17; I Cor. 1:9-10)
Joy In Serving
Before I left for Nigeria a man came to our church and he had a word for me that going to Nigeria was not for the reason that I thought but that indeed God was sending me there to change me. He said that God was going to change me so much that when I get home my best friends will not even recognize me and the reason that God was going to do this was so that people who see the change will know that they too can change because of God’s grace. Many of you may not know my testimony from the last few years that makes this word an awesome word for me, but here is a testimony of a lesson I learned on the mission field which is part of the fulfillment of the word spoken to me at my church.
1Ki 19:1 Ahab reported to Jezebel everything that Elijah had done, including the massacre of the prophets. 1Ki 19:2 Jezebel immediately sent a messenger to Elijah with her threat: "The gods will get you for this and I'll get even with you! By this time tomorrow you'll be as dead as any one of those prophets. "1Ki 19:3 When Elijah saw how things were, he ran for dear life to Beersheba, far in the south of Judah. He left his young servant there1Ki 19:4 and then went on into the desert another day's journey. He came to a lone broom bush and collapsed in its shade, wanting in the worst way to be done with it all--to just die: "Enough of this, GOD! Take my life--I'm ready to join my ancestors in the grave! "1Ki 19:5 Exhausted, he fell asleep under the lone broom bush. Suddenly an angel shook him awake and said, "Get up and eat!"
1Ki 19:11 Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; 1Ki 19:12 and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. 1Ki 19:13 When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, "So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?"
I was like Elijah who was just finished. My situation, I felt was so big and bad I believed that God would need to come in a big way to let me know that He knew I was not happy. Let me tell you what happened to me on the mission field so you will understand why I felt like Elijah and how I know I can have Joy while waiting to hear a still small voice. God called me to be a missionary at the age of 9. I had prepared my whole life to be a missionary and finally my time came. In January 2005 I was called and offered a job as a principal at a school in Nigeria. I knew this was God’s avenue to get me to the mission field. I want to encourage you that God works in many creative ways to get you where He wants you to be so if He is asking you to do something that you feel will be to hard or not as good as you hoped then hold on because I promise God has a plan for you. I can testify to this because I am not qualified to be a principal, nor do I want to be a principal. I am a missionary who does many things but a principal is not one of them. I have a friend who is a principal and she is the best principal I have ever met and I have worked with many over the years. The point is that God created her to be a principal and she does it well, I was not created to be a principal although I tried to rise to the challenge but I found it hard to get into the job because I had no interest in doing that at all. But I knew God was using this to get me to Nigeria so I decided that I would take the challenge, sell and give away all I had but just a few boxes of personal things and go to the mission field because I knew serving God would bring joy to me and make everything in my life ok. That didn’t happen and this is part of the lesson that I learned.
My mission experience was very challenging. The people of Nigeria are some of the most wonderful people on earth and God has put something special in my heart for this people group. It was a pleasure to work with them and I had several speaking engagements at conferences and churches where I was able to minister the Word of God and encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ. The problem that arose for me was my hosts were not really prepaid to take in someone different from their own culture. They didn’t know how to help me adjust to their way of life so that was a huge challenge that I had to overcome. There were a few things that I was misinformed about with the job and with the living arrangements. My transportation that I was promised was not what I was told. This caused some major set backs for me as I was dependent on using what I was promised to get to different villages to preach and share the gospel but instead I spent the majority of my time sitting on a porch because being inside the house was too hot and waiting for time to go to bed. All of these things I took as a challenge and at first I felt good about having such a big challenge because I figured it was all part of being a missionary and I used all that time I was just sitting to study my Bible and really learn to hear God speaking to me in new ways.
You know suffering for Jesus? Well, suffering became a way of life for me and I knew that it didn’t have to be. On my arrival I got sick from an allergic reaction to some meds I was taking and then the medicine I was taking to protect me from malaria began to make me sick, I fell in a whole and hurt myself……just small or big things were beginning to happen to me and I was really beginning to wonder if I heard the right call. My support from home, other than my parents was next to nothing. I was not able to be in touch with many people so I didn’t have any encouragement coming from home. (this is very important to a missionary) There was a problem with eating as my host would promise to have the cooks prepare something without pepper, which they eat in and on everything, but she would somehow forget to tell the cook and when it came time to eat the evening meal she would say sorry, I forgot so for that day I would not have anything to eat because there you cook all you have for that day, and this went on for one month. So for one month I ate nothing and even though it was a good weight loss plan it didn’t help me because that whole time I was broken out with hives and becoming more ill by the day. Then there was the problem of trying to do my job which was an impossible task. The request or requirement was that I get 4 students a visa to travel to America and they truly thought that just because I was an American that I should be able to do this. I tried for weeks to explain to them that I was not in any way responsible for the American government issuing visas to anyone but they just couldn’t understand that, and when I say they I mean only my boss and his wife which were my hosts. Their response to me was to yell at me and belittle me for not getting these visas which made my willingness to go to work next to nothing. I say all of this to show you that I had a very hard time on the mission field. I hope that it doesn’t sound like I am complaining, I am not, but I want to make the point that things were not easy for me. There are many stories of suffering I can tell you about but the point that I want to tell you is that all of this suffering that I went through happened because it was going to happen but it was how I was looking at things that made it more worse for me than it had to be. I truly thought that if I went to serve God that He would make me happy and make everything turn out okay for me. I don’t know exactly where I got this idea, maybe preachers who don’t know the truth, or ideals I came up with after listening to missionaries who forgot to tell about the hardships on the mission field, maybe seminary where they may not have covered all of the ins and outs of missions. Who knows? The important thing is that I have learned a great lesson and I want to share that lesson with you.
Before coming home I left my village to stay in Lagos where I had a speaking appointment so I wanted to take sometime to fast and pray and get healed up emotionally before I came back to the States. It was during this time that I realized the lesson I learned that I am sharing with you. A friend was staying with me and as the two of us dove into the Word during this fasting time God began to show me what mistake I had made. I was reading a book by John Piper called When I Don’t Desire God, How to Fight for Joy. This is a great book and I will be sharing from it later. It was through the Word, this book, my friend and prayer that I received my emotional healing which allows me to now share all of this with you. The lesson…… never serve God to get Joy! Of course God will bless you when you serve Him, but it should not be your motive for serving Him. Just don’t try to serve God to get Joy. This was not what I was thinking when I went to the mission field. I was not thinking that by going and serving God I will get joy, so I better go…… I was thinking that no matter what happens, because I am serving God I will find joy in it. WRONG! If that were true, that I could get joy from serving God, then all I went through would have made me joyful and friend, by the time I decided to come home I was not joyful about anything I had gone through. I am joyful now because I have an understanding of what joy in service is and I know that what I have passed through has caused me to grow and mature and see many things about God that I only thought I knew before. If you want to serve God find joy in Christ then your joy will come through Him.
All this time on the mission field I have been wondering why my joy from serving God couldn’t be found and I have discovered that I have tried to place the joy in the service and how good or bad it was. But that joy was misplaced. My joy should have been in Christ and the knowing Him personally as my savior. The joy should have been to serve Him because I love Him, not to serve because I was called therefore I must go because that going and serving will be my joy. The call was a gift to put me on the right path to have and live in the greater gift which is joy. I have been fighting to have joy and misunderstanding that there is no fight for joy. Joy is a gift given to us when we choose Jesus. Not only does joy lead us into service for God, joy also builds faith because if I have joy in Christ because of who He is, and because I trust Him and in Him then that means that I see Him as a treasure which means I treasure Him and to treasuring something means being glad to have it so therefore, my saving faith involves no less than being glad to have Jesus Himself for who He is. (John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God, How to Fight for Joy, pg 36) Knowing that I have joy in Christ for the reason of who He is then I know without a doubt that I can do anything that He asked me to do because the only thing I am then looking for is the joy found in knowing Christ and not the joy found in the things He gives me or what He does for me. All other things will be added to me if I am seeking Christ and not seeking service to Christ. (Mat 6:33; Luke 12:30) So my receiving things or hoping things will go a certain way is no longer a concern for me because as I joy in Christ He will give me all I need and put me in a place to give me more joy because joy is a gift. This means that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phi 4:13) I understand that the joy of the Lord is my strength. (Ps 28:8) In Eph 1:18-20 Paul tells us that the exceeding greatness, that is strength, is something that he wishes we would have. This strength that he is talking about is the same strength that God used to raise Jesus from the dead. That is a lot of strength! It is the same strength found in Ps 65:6 that says that God formed the mountains by the strength of His arm. That is the same strength found in Heb 1:2 which is the strength that made the universe through Christ which is the same strength in Mark 11:22-24 where it says to have faith in God and say to this mountain be removed and it will move. I have strength through joy because I know Christ and He is in me and He is God so it is God’s strength that is in me, the same strength that raised Christ from the dead and formed the mountains of the earth and created the universe. Faith isn’t in seeing the mountain and how big it is and what a big job it will be to move it. Faith is in knowing I have that strength in me to move a mountain since it is the same strength that created the mountains in the first place. Because I joy in Christ, my strength comes from my joy in the Lord.
My faith told me that if I go and serve God all things would work “good” for me. That is almost scriptural, the Word says in Rom 8:28 “And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose.” I was focused on loving the service to God more than focusing on loving Christ. Can you love and not have or feel joy from it? When you love (joy) God works things  out for your good. I was loving but I was loving that “I WAS SERVING GOD” more than I was loving God. I didn’t feel like I needed to focus on loving God, loving Christ, because it was like an unspoken rule that I loved Jesus, why else would I serve Him by going all the way to Nigeria? I have been active in church my whole life but I had misunderstood the joy and love I was to have for Christ and in Christ and how it is related to serving God. I believe this is why so many missionaries struggle with being on the mission field with joy. When things get rough or the culture mistreat them, and I mean me, and there is no support from home then it is hard to see past the struggle and they, I mean me, begin to doubt their call and can even begin to wonder if God really loves them, I mean me, in the first place. When this happens there is no longer joy in service, it just becomes a very hard job to do. I believed that God would bless me and protect me just because I decided to serve Him and even though I was not killed, none of the good things were happening for me and that was because I was trying to find joy where it wasn’t meant to be found. I was trying to have joy in serving which serving is hard work and when you are hard at work, joy is hard to find. My joy, if it would have been in Christ would have made my work easy, not that the work is easy or serving Christ is a bed of roses, but my burden would have been joy in Christ and joy is not a burden. As Piper says, “My work is a great work to do but it is only great because the Lord is great.” I saw the work more than I saw Jesus so therefore, I was trying to find happiness, joy, delight, satisfaction, fulfillment, faith, strength and safety in my service which only became an idol for me and it all drove me away from God to the point that I wasn’t even sure if God loved me because all of my effort, the effort of trying to make all joy, led straight to major suffering in my situation on the mission field.
I was sent to Nigeria for several reasons but the main reason was to be trained and changed and to learn about what joy is so that God can send me out to do greater things, things that I may not even believe in yet. Moses was sent out for training as was Joseph and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego just to mention a few. God has a funny way of doing things sometimes and most of the time we think He is doing one thing with us when really He is doing another and this is a good reason to have joy in Christ because as long as that is your focus then His plans will not frustrate you.
God used one certain person in my life on the mission field to train and change me and his name is Akanimoh who’s name means more than wealth. That is exactly what Akanimoh has given me, more than anything money could buy. He has led me, guided me, corrected me, yelled at me, loved me, protected me and taught me giving up five months of his life to be with me. Through his own joy in Christ he came to help me as a service to Christ because he understands joy in Christ. I want to encourage you to look for your Akanimoh when you discover God is doing something different than you first thought.
Through my whole experience I have been able to see where my joy comes from, that it is a gift from God, and where to place my joy and also to understand that God rewards me when He wants to and not when I think He should. You know God does reward us for serving Him and I don’t mean to make light of that or not mention it, but before that happens you must get your joy in the right place. I am sharing all of this to encourage you to put your joy in Christ and not in your service.
Here are some truths that have helped me in understanding how to have joy in Christ. They are from John Piper’s book When I don’t Desire God, How to Fight For Joy.
“We understand that our fight for joy does not coerce God to give the gift of joy, but puts us in the path where he has ordained the blessing to come. I say it carefully, lest I sound as though joy can be demanded from the Almighty. It is a fruit of the Spirit that grows on the tree of faith Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,… it is not a wage God must pay for our work or for our fight. That God ordinarily gives joy when we walk in certain paths is no guarantee that he will do so according to our timetable.
We are like farmers. They plow the field and plant the seed and cut away weeds and scare away crows, but they do not make the crop grow. God does. He sends rain and sunshine and brings to maturity the hidden life of the seed. We have out part. But it is not coercive or controlling. And there will be times when the crops fail. Even then God has his ways of feeding the farmer and bringing him through a lean season.
We must learn to wait for the Lord. King David gave us an example of this in Psalm 40. “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.” Here is a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam 13:14), who spent time in the “pit of destruction” and in “the miry bog” – where there was no song in his mouth. How long was he there? We are not told. What matters is what he did there. He waited for the Lord. He could not make the Lord come. He could wait and hope and trust that he would come. And he did come. He put David’s feet on a rock and put a new song in his mouth.” (pg 42)
“In obedience to God’s Word we should fight to walk in the paths where he has promised his blessings. But when and how they come is God’s to decide, not ours. If they delay, we trust the wisdom of our Father’s timing, and we wait. In this way joy remains a gift, while we work patiently in the field of obedience and fight against the weeds and the crows and the rodents. Here is where joy will come. Here is where Christ will reveal himself (John 14:21). But that revelation and that joy will come when and how Christ chooses. It will be a gift.” (pg 43)
“James 1:12 says, ‘Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.’ The person who will receive the crown of eternal life is the person who successfully endures trail-that is, the person who fights for joy in the pain of loss and gets the victory over the unbelief of anger and bitterness and discouragement.” (pg 37)
“Believing that joy in God is a gift of God will give all the glory to God. This is the goal of the Christian life – to live in a way that will show God to be most wonderful.. The apostle Peter gives a principle in 1 Peter 4:11 for how to do that. He says, ‘Whoever serves, [let him serve] as one who serves by the strength that God supplies – in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.’ The strength to serve is a gift. God supplies it. When we believe that and lean on it consciously, we show God to be the glorious giver of the strength. The giver gets the glory.” (pg 55)
Find your joy in Christ and you will be complete in all you do!
Love,
Amy


Scripture References

Mat 6:33 But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Luke 12:30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: but your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.

Phi 4:13 I can do all things in him that strengtheneth me.

Psa 28:8 Jehovah is their strength, And he is a stronghold of salvation to his anointed.

Eph 1:18-20 having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, and what the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to that working of the strength of his might which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and made him to sit at his right hand in the heavenly places

Psa 65:6 Who by his strength setteth fast the mountains, Being girded about with might; God formed the mountains by the strength of His arm.

Heb 1:2 hath at the end of these days spoken unto us in his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, through whom also he made the worlds. This is the same strength that made the universe through Christ.

Mar 11:22-24 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou taken up and cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that what he saith cometh to pass; he shall have it. Therefore I say unto you, All things whatsoever ye pray and ask for, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them…..

The Triumphal Entry

I named this the Triumphal Entry because I believe we as believers can do just that, have a Triumphal Entry into everything that we set our hands to do.        Ps. 119:45 says “I walk about in Freedom because I have studies God’s precepts.” This gives us freedom to move and live like God has called us to live without the legalisms of our past and without being under the microscope of those who would accuse us of ungodly acts that don’t fit into their old traditions. In the new Testament Jesus makes a Triumphal Entry on the back of a donkey into the city. As I read this I was inspired by this action to stand up and be more Christ like in all that I do and say and see in the midst of a beginning ministry, thus the name, “The Triumphal Entry”

Hi! It's Me! Amy